Where Is My Mind? (not the Pixies song)

Actually, I LOVE that song and now it’s stuck in my head.  “Where is my mind…Where is my mind…” Ever since becoming a mother I feel like I’ve kind of lost mine.  I think I’ve lost it in many ways, but the way I’m referring to now is the “I can hold a conversation and keep focus kind of way.” I realized this the other day when I was talking to my husband and went from one topic to another to another and then back again.  He went along with it and then said, “wow, for a minute I was wondering how you got to that topic, but then I see how you got there.” That’s how I feel lately, like my brain is rambling.  I’ve somehow lost the ability to stay focused.IMG_5569

It reminds me of when I was a fresh faced teacher in faculty meetings and one of the “veteran” teachers would chime in to put in her two cents.  Everybody took a deep sigh and braced themselves for what was to come.  This older woman was a circle talker.  She’d go on and on about something you’d think was completely unrelated and then somehow bring it back to the topic at hand approximately 10 minutes later.  I used to roll my eyes at the inefficiency of it all. And now I fear I have become her…

I’m still trying to wrap my head around why this has happened after becoming  a mother.  How could this have happened to someone who used to hate talking and tried so much to keep to the point?  Here are a few working theories:

  1. After speaking to my child in pretty simple language for 12 hours a day I’ve forgotten how to carry on a conversation with adults.
  2. I repeat myself so often during the day to get my toddler to listen to me I feel like I have to repeat my point over and over in different ways to be heard.
  3. Or the converse, I repeat myself so often that I don’t even hear myself anymore.
  4. I have such little time to talk to adults these days that I just can’t stop when I get the chance. (Like verbal diarrhea once baby goes to bed)
  5. My brain is forever changed after having a baby. Hormones?
  6. I just don’t give a crap anymore.  Who cares if people think I’m rambling? Who cares if they’re zoning out?  Who cares if I make no sense? It’s my turn to talk!

I’m also not sure if this is a thing for new moms or if it just happened to me.  Or maybe it’s an effect of being a Stay at Home Mom? In any case, it’s also a reason why I keep blogging. Gotta keep my brain in check and my ideas coherent.  I hope this post passes on both fronts.

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