Actually, I LOVE that song and now it’s stuck in my head. “Where is my mind…Where is my mind…” Ever since becoming a mother I feel like I’ve kind of lost mine. I think I’ve lost it in many ways, but the way I’m referring to now is the “I can hold a conversation and keep focus kind of way.” I realized this the other day when I was talking to my husband and went from one topic to another to another and then back again. He went along with it and then said, “wow, for a minute I was wondering how you got to that topic, but then I see how you got there.” That’s how I feel lately, like my brain is rambling. I’ve somehow lost the ability to stay focused.
It reminds me of when I was a fresh faced teacher in faculty meetings and one of the “veteran” teachers would chime in to put in her two cents. Everybody took a deep sigh and braced themselves for what was to come. This older woman was a circle talker. She’d go on and on about something you’d think was completely unrelated and then somehow bring it back to the topic at hand approximately 10 minutes later. I used to roll my eyes at the inefficiency of it all. And now I fear I have become her…
I’m still trying to wrap my head around why this has happened after becoming a mother. How could this have happened to someone who used to hate talking and tried so much to keep to the point? Here are a few working theories:
- After speaking to my child in pretty simple language for 12 hours a day I’ve forgotten how to carry on a conversation with adults.
- I repeat myself so often during the day to get my toddler to listen to me I feel like I have to repeat my point over and over in different ways to be heard.
- Or the converse, I repeat myself so often that I don’t even hear myself anymore.
- I have such little time to talk to adults these days that I just can’t stop when I get the chance. (Like verbal diarrhea once baby goes to bed)
- My brain is forever changed after having a baby. Hormones?
- I just don’t give a crap anymore. Who cares if people think I’m rambling? Who cares if they’re zoning out? Who cares if I make no sense? It’s my turn to talk!
I’m also not sure if this is a thing for new moms or if it just happened to me. Or maybe it’s an effect of being a Stay at Home Mom? In any case, it’s also a reason why I keep blogging. Gotta keep my brain in check and my ideas coherent. I hope this post passes on both fronts.