For the past few months I’ve been having these really obnoxious symptoms:
- dull headaches
- inability to form complete thoughts/carry on a coherent conversation
- general feeling of malaise
- feeling like my head is foggy
- feeling cross eyed
These are not medical terms, but it’s how I can explain my general feeling day to day. I also have guilt. Lots of it! At first I thought all of these symptoms were due to caffeine withdrawals, but we’re now a few weeks out and I still feel them. I notice that they go away when I’m outdoors in the sunshine. Approximately 10 minutes after returning home, I’ll start to get that foggy feeling and want to just take a nap. Which of course I cannot as I have a 17 month old to care for.
I started to think that perhaps these feelings are related to some kind of depression. But that can’t be, right? I have a wonderful kid that I get to spend every day with. We have friends we see, and I have the best hubs in the world. I don’t feel weepy, and in fact feel grateful most of the time. I feel grateful that I have a hubs that comes home from a long day at work and helps me wash dishes and does bath time. He gets up early before work to play with Ro and gives me a chance to get myself together. I feel grateful, but at the same time I feel guilty. Why am I so spoiled? I should be doing all these things with a grin on my face, especially since I don’t have a full time job to do on top of it.
After talking about this with a fellow SAHM (my sister in law), I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not being stimulated and maybe my brain has checked out and left a fog behind. I’m going to try something my sister in law told me may help: take time for me. I’m going to attempt a few things to maintain my interests and keep my brain sharp and see if this cloud doesn’t dissipate. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
- Go to the gym (leave Ro with the kids’ club for an hour and get the blood flowing at least 1x a week)
- Work on the quilt that has been collecting dust in my craft room which has been taken over by junk
- Research sewing workshops that can fit in my schedule
I think 3 things is reasonable for now. Let’s see if they help me get back to being me.