This picture of me, so serene and relaxed, it is not at all representative of what’s happening in my brain. Sure it was taken yesterday, 4dp5dt (4 days post a 5 day transfer), but it was literally 5 minutes of being still. Let me rewind…
You remember when I said FET 2 was canceled bc my body wasn’t cooperating? Well that was the day before I got the results of my last ultrasound to check my lining. I guess with that extra Estrace, my body caught up after all. I’m obviously a pessimist. So, I think I was too embarrassed to admit that I had jumped the gun, and avoided the topic. Wanted to wait until my Beta day (the day they confirm you’re pregnant/ Or NOT) to share that I had made a big mistake, and was now miraculously pregnant! Or it would be negative, and I wouldn’t have to share any news at all. But, being the hot mess that I am, I can’t wait ’til next week to share that I’m going INSANE!!!
I thought it would have helped that I had been through this whole waiting game before, but it kind of makes things worse. I look back at the notes I kept after our first Embryo Transfer and see that by now I’d be having cramps and fatigue. I have no cramps, and I’m pretty much always fatigued, so that means nothing. I mean, I had two sharp pains 2dp5dt, but that’s way too early right? See…crazy town! And I still have a week of this!!!
It doesn’t help that the transfer did not go smoothly, and the doc had to insert the catheter twice because little embryo was super sticky and wouldn’t come out. It didn’t reassure me that a tech in training couldn’t get a good view on the screen and I was basically holding my breath in pain and anxiety until I started feeling like I might pass out on that transfer table. My only solace is that this little guy/girl was so eager that it already started hatching (unlike Ro), and I’m hoping it was so sticky that it’s now lodged nicely in my fluffy lining. I know I’ve been waiting for this little one to make it safely home. I hope s/he decides to stay a while. Feast your eyes on this eager embryo: